If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
