He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
