Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I bet he comes in French.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
