My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
