grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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