PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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