I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
