i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So vagazzling was a success
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
