Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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