Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
