u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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