O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Say something about gay babies.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
