guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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