At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
