two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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