i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
