garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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