So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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