Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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