everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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