Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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