Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
