i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
