She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
