I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
