My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
