1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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