Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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