This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
