dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
