I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
