I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
