We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
