i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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