I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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