Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
