Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
