My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
