Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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