you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
