I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
