ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
