dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I could make wine with my vomit
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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