Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
