So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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