woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
