i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
