make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
