I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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