all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
