Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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