with your own penis?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We are two peas in an std pod
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Text me some of your sweat
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
