i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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