Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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