I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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