someone threw a dead crab at me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
