i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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