All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was CRYING into my vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
