I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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